Sometimes self care looks like I am not being a good friend. I've been accused of being flaky & blowing friends off...
BUT only to people who aren’t showing up for themselves authentically.
Sometimes I make plans that when the time comes I struggle to keep if I am going to take care of my own needs & the needs of my family. So grateful for the people in my life who get this, who accept this, who extend grace & love. They are the ones navigating life with open hearts right next to me.
So often what we think we know about someone & their life is just not accurate. Being close friends doesn’t mean you get to know every detail of each other’s personal lives. Out of respect for other people involved, sharing isn't always an option. Perhaps, we don't even know how to share what is happening. Perhaps, we just need time to process & be.
Navigating all the ups & downs of life can be complicated & sometimes looks messy. The trauma I lived through in the first 40 years of my life, created a need for control. I was rigid, a perfectionist, a master at creating an image of the ideal life. Choosing to heal & start my life over has meant surrendering the people pleasing, giving up guilt, letting go of control, making joy & ease a priority, softening into imperfection, learning to ask for help & for grace. Most importantly, it has meant being vulnerable enough to acknowledge that somedays I have taken on more than I have the physical or mental energy for. This is healthy...not selfish or being a bad person. This is the space where health & wellness is cultivated. This is how we thrive, not simply survive.
When we begin to truly honor our own needs & communicate them with love to those around us, we then also have the capacity to show up for others how they need us. What a beautiful, nourishing cycle.